Trigger Warning: Gender dysphoria, queerphobia
When I say I’m a fluent pansexual person, Cis-het people look at me like I’ve said something blasphemous. They look at me like I’m AND the alien, and they’re Elliot, from the Steven Spielberg movie. The confusion on their faces makes my sexuality look like a quantum physics formula. Many reject it completely, while some remind me very politely, “But you are a woman!”
The result of this brilliant observation then leads to two types of conversations. One, where I relentlessly try to make my fellow human beings understand why I am not a woman when they insist on proving me wrong by showing my breasts or reminding me of the nature of my genitals. Or, if they are feeling particularly queerphobic that day, then the conversation becomes a series of accusations and objections throughout my life.
We all know these two types of cis-het people in our lives. But I have met another who alienates me the most. the cis-het friends so united who claim to be proud allies of the community, but more often than not really hurt us with bits of micro-aggression behind closed doors.
When I came out as a genderfluid, a very considerate cis-het ally said, “Isn’t gender a social construct? So if male and female don’t exist, aren’t we all fluid? “ Gender is most certainly a social construction that conditions us to respect the gender roles assigned to our sexes, from childhood. But gender identity is not necessarily tied to the genitals we are born with. A person born with a female gender can identify as male or female or neither or both. Even though gender is a social construct, gender identity certainly is not. I am genderfluid, which means that even though I have a vagina, I don’t identify as a woman.
So there are some who call me “a chameleon“”, “a shapeshifter. “Although the idea is quite tempting and I would like to give up this muggle mundane life, I am most definitely a human and not a character. Harry potter. I am a human who belongs to the non-binary spectrum which means my sex organ does not define my gender identity. I sometimes feel like a woman, most of the time like a man and often neither.
My gender identity also brings with it the burden of gender dysphoria. This means that some aspects of my body that arise from the sex I was assigned at birth often bother me – the most disturbing of which is my period. But every time I have expressed my distress in front of cis-het women, their response is either “I hate rules too” Where “You should be proud of it. Own it girl. The womb is God.
When cis-het women compare their queer experiences with their own, it doesn’t always help. Menstruation for cis women is not a constant reminder that they are not part of their bodies. This discomfort that I feel is not similar to something that a cis woman feels. By digesting our experiences, not only do we invalidate my dysphoria, but we also hijack the queer space to which I belong.
The second answer is also problematic. Without a doubt, female biology is wonderful, but for me it is often scary. My uterus instead of being divine is often a burden on my identity. A “friend”Of mine said jokingly, “Don’t be offended, but don’t you think menstruation is your body’s way of rejecting your identity?. “Yes it does. It’s a constant reminder that my gender identity does not match the sex that was assigned to me.
But the comment missed its humor and was offensive and rude. My gender dysphoria is no joke. Sometimes it can be confusing for you, but the Marvel Universe was too, and you could always understand why Loki’s disappearance from the 2012 timeline led to a mess in the multiverse. So why is it so hard for you to figure this out?
Read also : How I was bullied when I was a kid for my gender Maverick
A few weeks ago, Ayushmann Khurrana, a Bollywood actor, posted his photo with eyeliner and nail polish, which made the cover of GQ magazine, on Instagram and captioned it as “Gender fluid. “This misconception that gender fluidity is a gender expression rather than a gender identity is inherent in many of my cis friends as well.
Gender expression is a means by which a person expresses their gender identity through their appearance and behavior. Whereas gender identity is the personal conception of oneself as male or female or both or neither. Gender fluidity is a gender identity, which means that it is not related only to the physicality of a person. Wearing a blazer or skirt or putting on makeup is part of gender expression, not gender identity.
By captioning it gender fluid, the actor invades queer spaces and actively participates in erasing queer experiences. Something the non-binary and transgender community has been doing for years, and for which he has been ridiculed and discriminated against, should not be considered an act of bravery when done by a cis-het man. This is not an act of defiance on the actor’s part but a rather greedy attempt to steal the space queer people have won after years of struggle and resistance.
As if being genderfluid wasn’t enough, I’m pansexual too. I originally came out as bisexual and after further evaluation I decided that pansexual is the label that fully defines my sexuality. Many people have assumed that I am attracted to pots and pans while others have called me “greedy” and “confuses. ”
While I prefer a cast iron skillet to these people, I’m not into cooking utensils. Pansexuality is sexual attraction to people, regardless of their gender. The saying goes that there are plenty of fish in the sea, but I’m not necessarily interested in all fish. I would rather be with a fish that matches my vibe. Like David Rose in Schitt Creek noted, “I am in the wine and not in the label.”
Read also : GQ India Cover by Ayushman Khurrana: Reflections from A fluid gender person
I’m not drawn to everyone I lay eyes on. Like you, I too have preferences, but these don’t necessarily revolve around gender identity. For me, the gender of a person is not about my attraction or lack of it. But I am not confused. What am I Kat edison in The daring type called “A lover of people. “
The labels I have chosen to describe myself are not gibberish and my pronouns do not confuse me. I am not an inanimate object and my gender does not define my identity. Although the idea of surviving in sunlight is very appealing, I’m not Jadoo from Koi Mil Gaya. I am not an alien. I am a human – a human who expects a lot less ignorance and a little more kindness and empathy from you.
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